We all want to be Connected…

/ Denise / 7 Comments

 

Enjoying the moment

This blogging thing is quite crazy actually. I write arbitrary thoughts about things that cross my mind from one day to the next and I take great care in selecting some of my better photographs to share. I read and re-read every post, several times, and most times I share with my husband – my biggest fan – for his critique. Then, I press ‘Publish’.

I wait. Patiently at first. Then not at all. Wait for what you may ask? I wait for the ‘likes’, the comments and the new followers.

It’s just crazy and my husband laughs at me every day. How many likes did you get today? Any comments on that topic? Read them to me. I laugh too, for it has become such a game for the both of us. But deep down, for me anyway, it really isn’t a game at all.

Being  connected is an important part of being human.

I feel as if there’s a virtual world out there that I’ve connected with. A world where there are people just like me who want to express themselves. People who have arbitrary thoughts about arbitrary topics. Thoughts that resonate with me. People I have made a connection with. It’s almost as if it were my secret world.

And don’t we all want to connect and feel a part of something, something bigger than ourselves. Don’t we all have that special friend, sister, brother with whom we share our deepest feelings and with whom we can happily sit in silence, finish each other’s sentences, or understand very well their every facial expression. With whom we can laugh about nothing, cry about everything. With whom we have a special bond, a special connection.

The very essence of life is about connection.

Travelling, wherever you are…

/ Denise / 1 Comment

Thanks to a fellow blogger, who read my recent post ‘Maps’ (see post on right), I’ve taken a different view to my desire to travel the world.  The advice was quite simple :

“You don’t have to travel far in order to travel more”

And they further explained that “…a common misconception is that the traveling that counts is the kind that takes you far away. Nope. Think again. What is it that is the essence of travel? For me, the main reason to even go outside in the morning is the promise that there will be new adventures to explore and new worlds to discover.”

And so today I explored my surroundings with my camera in tow, like I would normally when travelling outside of my country, and, guess what, I discovered a beautiful place.  (See pics below)

Thank you “Biveros Effect” for your sound advice.
http://blogg.biveros.se/5-easy-ways-travel

 

Life is a *itch, and then you die…

/ Denise / Leave a comment

How often have I heard my mother-in-law utter these words. And each time I chuckle, thinking that it could be true, but not quite understanding the depth of it from her point of view.

The first time I met my mother-in-law, she was crouched on the floor with her butt in the air, ‘releasing gas’ as she later explained. She was not aware that I was coming to visit. But as the years have passed, I realise that that would not have made any difference. She needed to ‘release gas’ and that was the best way she knew how. She would have crouched on the floor even if I were there, for the first time.

You hear many stories of ‘in-laws’ and I have made it my life-long commitment not to be the nightmare mother-in-law, as described by so many. But quite frankly how could I be when my personal experience has been filled with great examples from both sides. Little or no interference, always there to support when needed. Everything has always been just easy.

Actually it’s also been quite entertaining when we consider the character that is my mother-in-law. Strong-willed (although not always so as a teenager), frank (and you better be able to take it), loud (a trait the entire family has inherited), kind (always thinking of others – she would feed the world if she could), generous (to a fault), grateful (more and more so as she gets older).

I was once asked about my ‘parents in-law’ – you know to give my experience. And I found it very difficult to find something wrong. I could think of not one moment when I felt unaccepted, frustrated or even annoyed. Today, 32 years later, I have the privilege of sharing a few days with my mother-in-law, and I am beginning to understand why life could be a ‘*itch’, from her point of view.

Imagine a busy life filled with its ups and downs. Imagine being able to manoeuvre this life with strength which comes from within, the support of family and friends that makes it all worthwhile, the love of a spouse which is beyond description. Imagine bringing up 5 children – the physical and mental agility that is needed to stay one step ahead of them, so that you can ensure that in turn they will be capable of taking care of themselves in the future, and, secretly, you as well. Imagine achieving your goals, in one way or another. Imagine that stage of your life when you feel accomplished, that it was all worth it.

Then it all starts to crumble, slowly at first, then with increasing speed. You become slower, less agile. The aches and pains of your deteriorating body. The loss of your companion of over 40 years. The feeling that you have become a bother to your family as opposed to the guiding force. You loose your independence and now need to rely on those you took such care of years ago.

You become tired, you become confused at the slightest change in your daily routine, your memory fails you and what you remember most and long for most are those days when you were at your peak. Or do you? What do you really long for at this stage of life?

And I guess, that’s when you realise that life can be a *itch, and then you die…

 

Maps…

/ Denise / 2 Comments

I’ve never really been interested in maps. And therein lies my problem with navigation. I’ll be the first to admit that I am ‘directionally challenged’. And quite frankly I’ve never made any effort to learn primarily because I’ve managed very well to circumvent the problem by asking questions (lots of questions) befriending someone who was map-oriented, or just plain ole calling a taxi whenever needed. Truth be told though, while living abroad, I was constantly lost. But you know what? By the time I left I knew every nook and cranny, knew where all the out-of-the-way shops, groceries, cafes were. And most importantly the local bars and ‘liming’ spots. So there! There’s some value in being ‘directionally challenged’.

But recently maps have engaged my interest. It has finally hit me how vast and extensive this world is and I want to see as much of it as I possibly can. Realising at the same time, however, that I need to temper my expectations, for at my age, it may not be entirely possible. Case in point, a few years ago I spent one whole month travelling Australia. My family and I drove over 1,000 miles across the Kimberley, hiked, swam in a different gorge almost every day, walked the stretch of the Bungle Bungle, and much more. At the end of it all, the journey represented just a bit more than a scratch on the surface of Australia, let alone the rest of the world.

Rather than let this get me down, I made a pact to continue my quest. I have a feeling though due to some financial limitations, I may need to depend on ‘National Geographic’ and lots of reading, to help complete my bucket list.

But apart from their functional value, to me maps are synonymous with adventure, excitement and wonder. What about you?

Who are the Millennials….

/ Denise / 4 Comments

When I was having my children, I was determined not to have a generation gap. I was determined to share as much as I possibly could with them – their world was my world and vice versa, or so I thought. With my parents the difference was so obvious – the music, the openness of thought, the freedom of action. Women were now coming into their own and surprisingly, in my family, very much encouraged by my father, well to some extent anyway, once we did not stray too far from the norm. My dad wanted only the best for his children and he gave into their wishes, with reservation, knowing he was backed by the copious prayers of my mother. So really what could go wrong?

So with my boys, I was determined that there would be no such gap. I would make sure that there was freedom of speech, thought and action – of course within the realm of respect, honesty and integrity. We liked the same music, we enjoyed the same activities and we told them they could be whatever they wanted to be. We encouraged freedom of thought and spirit. We holidayed together until they were in their teens and even now in their twenties, we enjoy spending time together doing what we love best – exploring the outdoors.

Then they became adults. And started doing what we brought them up to do. Thinking on their own, making their own decisions, in a world that was remarkably different from the world in which I grew up – one where technology had changed every aspect of our lives, right in front of our eyes. Without even knowing it, our boys were growing up in an era that we would find difficult to understand. We would certainly pretend to belong, but the truth is that we have been tainted by the past and, like a tattoo, we cannot erase what’s ingrained in us.

As my eldest son once said while I thought I was imparting some much needed advice – “Mom your model of success is not my model of success.” That hit me like a ton of bricks. Here I was thinking we were on the same page, but my word, I wasn’t even reading the same book. I wasn’t even in the same library.

So what do you do? Well you take a deep breath. You step back. You let them be, as best as you can. And you observe. You learn. It’s really the only thing you can do. And I’ve been observing and learning for some time now. And you know what? Secretly, I admire the Millennials.

I admire their freedom of spirit. I admire their self confidence, their courage. And, quite frankly I love being around them. Both at home and in the work place. They bring a new way of thinking to your otherwise mundane life. They have energy. They open doors where there weren’t any. And if you let them, they bring you along with them. They teach you everything they know, because they are on a path that you could never keep up with. They don’t want your job.  They don’t even want your life. They have other plans. The life you hope to have when you retire, they are living now.

The Millennials. We would do well to keep them close. For we can learn a lot from them.

Finding Dory

/ Denise / 3 Comments

When my youngest son was 8 years old, he promised me in all sincerity that he would always go to see Disney movies with me. No matter how old he got. I was extremely happy at that thought as I love a good Disney movie, especially animated. Well that promise turned a bit sour for more than a few years after he turned 12, but today, 12 years later, he kept good on his promise. He took me to see ‘Finding Dory’.

And what a lovely movie it was. Not so impactful as ‘Finding Nemo’ but still funny and filled with undertones – no pun intended for those of us who have seen the movie.

Dory was her beautiful self, filled with wonder, fearless in her ‘living in the moon’ kind of way, a leader, a true friend, a heart full of love. You watch the movie with a smile on your face, most of the time anyway for yes, there were tear jerking moments, even for my son.

But Dory taught me a few lessons. She taught me (the always have a plan person) that you don’t always need to have a plan. You can wing it taking one step at a time, making one choice at a time. She taught me that there’s always a way – to never give up – you just need to look at things from a different angle to be able to move forward.

She reminded me that family is everything, that going home has got to be the most reassuring feeling in the world. And this took me back to my late teens when I was studying abroad. The reassurance I felt during those moments when you weren’t too sure what your next step should be. When you found yourself in situations that were touch and go. When you felt that you needed someone who knew you inside out to bear your soul to. The reassurance that home was always there and you could always go back.

Knowing this kept me going, experiencing, learning, winning, growing up. Dory had certainly grown up by the time she went back home. She had crossed the length of the ocean twice in her lifetime, overcame many hurdles, uncertainties, moments of loneliness, and because of her fearless nature, and subconsciously her knowledge that home would always be there, she was able to return home to parents whose love, devotion and faith in her never waned.

Pretty deep for a child’s movie but if we take the time to look at all Disney’s animated movies there is always a lesson for the parents. Lessons that we would do well to learn.

If we were having a cup of tea right now…

/ Denise / 6 Comments

I’d tell you that you’re right, your grandsons all look just like you – in mind and spirit. That they’ve grown into fine young men you’d be proud of. That they tell your stories as if it were yesterday. That they love your sense of humour and rely on your constant support and love. That they love that funny ‘last lash’ game you always play.

We would watch the ships way out in the ocean, and you’d count them as you always do. You would remark on the flowers in my garden that remind you of dancing ladies and laugh your ‘ha ha’ kind of laugh, knowing that it would take a great stretch of my imagination to see them as you do. We would admire the humming birds as they sip the nectar of their favourite flower and we would reminisce our lost love.

You would tell me what you did this past week – stories that seem to be the same, but I would listen as if they were exciting and new. We would sit and enjoy each other’s company knowing that the time was drawing near.

If we were having a cup of tea right now, I would not be afraid to tell you that I love you. That you’ve always been my pillar of strength. That I would miss you when you are gone.

If we could only be having a cup of tea right now….

Listen to the sun set…

/ Denise / 3 Comments

It’s kind of silly I guess, but whenever I’m watching the sun set, I imagine its warm rays opening the day in another part of the world. I think of what my day was like, with its ups and downs, joys and sorrows, and I wonder what the person on the receiving end of the sun – what their day will be like. It’s almost as if we have a connection.

Can I send you a warning, I wonder. Can I tell you to stay calm, to stay focussed, to enjoy the moment, for we don’t really know what the day will bring. Can I reassure you that there’s someone on the other end thinking of you and wishing you well. And in response they are saying thanks – thanks for the thoughts and guidance. Thanks for being there. And they too offer some words of wisdom and consolation.

I always awake with a smile knowing you are thinking of me, for I too was dreaming of you – experiencing your day as if it were mine. I laughed when you laughed. I cried when you cried. And I too was looking forward to watching the sun rise, as I knew you were on the other end thinking the same thoughts.

As the colours of the sunset intensify our thoughts are connected and come to life. My day darkens and my friend’s day brightens and the days blend one into each other. We move on with our lives looking forward to that special moment of sharing.

 

 

My dear son ….

/ Denise / 1 Comment

I would guess that you love me as any other child would love their mother who has spent every moment of your life ensuring that you are fed, clothed, housed and educated. That you have everything you need and most of what you want. That your experiences are mostly happy and that you learn from your mistakes. That you grow up to be honest, loving, gentle, trustworthy. That most of all you know what it means to be truly loved and what it means to truly love.

I would also guess that there’s a lot of me in you. That may or may not be a good thing. But when you laugh at silly jokes, I see a bit of me in you. When you stand your ground (whether you are right or wrong), I see a bit of me in you. When you appreciate the glows and colours of a sunset, I see a bit of me in you. Most of all when you open your heart to love another, I see a bit of me in you.

The thing is you’ve filled my life with very many precious memories. I have so many stories to tell and as I think of them all, I smile. I smile loudly. I smile because you’ve made me laugh. You’ve made me cry. You’ve made me happy and sad. You’ve made me angry and scared. But most of all you’ve made me love. Love without knowing it was love. It just happened. From the very first moment I laid eyes on you. Your crinkly face. Your perfect fingers and toes. Your warm little squirming body.

And as you grew up, so did I. I grew strong and confident so I could protect and guide you. I learned how to cook so that I could make sure you were healthy. I became wise and discerning so that I could show you the way. And most of all my heart grew larger so I could love you more and more each day.

My wish for you is that you embrace life with open arms. Love as you want to be loved. Be generous of heart, mind and spirit. Don’t take yourself too seriously. Laugh every single day. And take the time to bask in the glow of the sunset.

Love as always
Mom

Nuff’ said

/ Denise / Leave a comment

Saw this tweet

“In our universe a star explodes and dies every single second and there’s you, worrying about work tomorrow.”
Nuff said indeed.  Be grateful for what you have and don’t have. Cherish your blessings and your woes, for they are yours. You deserve them. You can handle them.