Family

33 years and counting…

/ Denise / 2 Comments

My eldest brother, as is usual, was one of the first this morning to congratulate me on yet another year of marriage. He also took the opportunity to remind me that Jesus Christ lived for 33 years and that during his short life he had performed just as many miracles, suggesting at the same time that I should expect an Amethyst stone from my husband on this occasion. My sister was quick to chime in noting that that would indeed be a miracle.
It got me to thinking though as to whether or not my life had been filled with as many miracles, if any at all. I guess the mere fact that my husband is still alive after so many years of marriage could be considered some type of miracle. My three sons would probably attest that they are living miracles considering the many occasions I threatened to tie them up in a tree and leave them there for good. If my dogs could talk, they too would thank their lucky stars that their many digging episodes in my garden didn’t end more tragically.
I sound like a mad lady, and yes, at times I may have acted like one. But reminiscing on my married life I can confirm that I have witnessed many miracles. Not those of the like of Jesus Christ maybe – there are many a time, though, that I would certainly have liked to have been able to change water into wine – but, there have been small ones which make life full and worth the while.
– The miracle of giving life – holding your treasures against your body for the first time, welcoming them into your world.
– The miracle of family – skipping bravely through life with the confidence that someone has got your back
– The miracle of unconditional love – knowing that when you mess up, because inevitably you do, there’s that one person who will help you pick up the pieces and move on
Two of my sons are soon to embark on this wonderful journey of marriage. And I’m hoping that their life, too, will be filled with many many miracles.

I remember…

/ Denise / 6 Comments

I remember your smile, with that dimple that I longed to have so much. I remember your love that you gave selflessly, willingly and to everyone you met. I remember your devotion to your one and only love. I remember your quiet reserve, your patience, your support.

I remember the close relationship you had with your siblings. The fun times and the laughter you shared with them, as we looked on as children, marveling in your joy of living – wishing that we too would one day be as happy as your were. I remember you dancing with your infamous finger pointing to the sky.

I remember you teaching me to sew, encouraging me as I made mistakes with your clever quip – “every mistake is a fashion”. I remember how you picked up for me when the older ones took advantage of my devotion to them (well only one sibling really). I remember your behind-the-scenes love.

I remember the sparkle in your eyes when I brought my boys to visit you. They remember your caring, your warmth. They remember always wanting to visit you, they remember the custard you always made for them as a treat. They remember your birthday cake, your soupees. They remember Christmas mornings.

Just to let you know that, on this particular day, we all remember…

You never …..

/ Denise / 1 Comment

At times I over-use the phrase “you never…..”. And that’s being very kind – I probably use these words to lash out more often than I care to admit. And most times it’s when I’m in a mood – any mood other than my happiest – tired, overwhelmed, feeling sorry for myself.  “You never do this… You never do that…”

But really, don’t we often overlook the smallest signs of affection, caring, love. So focussed are we on the bigger things that everyone else can see. The bigger things that are probably not as heartfelt or meaningful as the really small things.

When in fact the simple hugs in the kitchen while you’re washing dishes. Remembering to bring your helmet for you when you go for a ride. Turning off the light so you can sleep. Telling your sons in a round-about way that you’ve worked hard and deserve your rewards. The unexpected smile and a wink that still make you blush. The quiet moment admiring the sunset together. And the list goes on.

These are the moments that you should really cherish and keep tucked away in your heart. The moments that will keep you going when you are tired and overwhelmed. The moments that will keep you from feeling sorry for yourself.

For these are the moments that are real. The ones you can take with you wherever you go.

The big FIVE ZERO

/ Denise / 6 Comments

Today one of my younger cousins told me, with some hesitation, that she was 50. My immediate response was “No way! You’re catching up girl.” We laughed. We talked about the changes. And she admitted that turning 50 and more so admitting it, was not easy. Afterwards, I marvelled at the idea of 50. What does 50 look like. What does 50 do and think. Where does 50 go. There she was, as young as I’ve always remembered her, same laugh, same sense of humour, same joie de vivre – only she was now 50.

I distinctly remember the day I learned that my mother was 40 years old. I remember staring at her for a while and then crying secretly in my bed later that night. For at the tender age of 10 or so, I thought my mother was going to die. In my mind, forty was old. So you can imagine what fifty must be like.

Today, having spent some years being both forty and fifty myself, I can attest that growing old is really not so bad. In fact, apart from the reality that your body changes, whether you like it or not, and no matter how much you exercise. That your mind is not as agile as it used to be – you can only store so much data in one brain at any one time. And that you are going to need much more sleep than when you were a teenager,

Turning 50 is like getting a new life.

You become you. You are confident. You know what you want, and you make sure you get it. You have experience to share, and you do so willingly, yet carefully. You are more empathetic as you’ve seen what life can offer. You’ve built strong friendships that have stood the test of time. You’ve learnt how not to sweat the small stuff. You know that worrying is a waste of time (although you still worry some for good measure). Your children (yours and those you’ve adopted) can take care of themselves. You know how to pray. You truly understand the meaning of family.

I look at my children and my nieces and nephews growing up and I smile a broad smile. They are full of energy with high expectations for the future. And, at fifty-something, so am I. For I still have a lot to look forward to and I will do it, with the same fervour and with every ounce of energy left in my body.

I can’t wait for the big SIX ZERO.

 

We all want to be Connected…

/ Denise / 7 Comments

 

Enjoying the moment

This blogging thing is quite crazy actually. I write arbitrary thoughts about things that cross my mind from one day to the next and I take great care in selecting some of my better photographs to share. I read and re-read every post, several times, and most times I share with my husband – my biggest fan – for his critique. Then, I press ‘Publish’.

I wait. Patiently at first. Then not at all. Wait for what you may ask? I wait for the ‘likes’, the comments and the new followers.

It’s just crazy and my husband laughs at me every day. How many likes did you get today? Any comments on that topic? Read them to me. I laugh too, for it has become such a game for the both of us. But deep down, for me anyway, it really isn’t a game at all.

Being  connected is an important part of being human.

I feel as if there’s a virtual world out there that I’ve connected with. A world where there are people just like me who want to express themselves. People who have arbitrary thoughts about arbitrary topics. Thoughts that resonate with me. People I have made a connection with. It’s almost as if it were my secret world.

And don’t we all want to connect and feel a part of something, something bigger than ourselves. Don’t we all have that special friend, sister, brother with whom we share our deepest feelings and with whom we can happily sit in silence, finish each other’s sentences, or understand very well their every facial expression. With whom we can laugh about nothing, cry about everything. With whom we have a special bond, a special connection.

The very essence of life is about connection.

Finding Dory

/ Denise / 3 Comments

When my youngest son was 8 years old, he promised me in all sincerity that he would always go to see Disney movies with me. No matter how old he got. I was extremely happy at that thought as I love a good Disney movie, especially animated. Well that promise turned a bit sour for more than a few years after he turned 12, but today, 12 years later, he kept good on his promise. He took me to see ‘Finding Dory’.

And what a lovely movie it was. Not so impactful as ‘Finding Nemo’ but still funny and filled with undertones – no pun intended for those of us who have seen the movie.

Dory was her beautiful self, filled with wonder, fearless in her ‘living in the moon’ kind of way, a leader, a true friend, a heart full of love. You watch the movie with a smile on your face, most of the time anyway for yes, there were tear jerking moments, even for my son.

But Dory taught me a few lessons. She taught me (the always have a plan person) that you don’t always need to have a plan. You can wing it taking one step at a time, making one choice at a time. She taught me that there’s always a way – to never give up – you just need to look at things from a different angle to be able to move forward.

She reminded me that family is everything, that going home has got to be the most reassuring feeling in the world. And this took me back to my late teens when I was studying abroad. The reassurance I felt during those moments when you weren’t too sure what your next step should be. When you found yourself in situations that were touch and go. When you felt that you needed someone who knew you inside out to bear your soul to. The reassurance that home was always there and you could always go back.

Knowing this kept me going, experiencing, learning, winning, growing up. Dory had certainly grown up by the time she went back home. She had crossed the length of the ocean twice in her lifetime, overcame many hurdles, uncertainties, moments of loneliness, and because of her fearless nature, and subconsciously her knowledge that home would always be there, she was able to return home to parents whose love, devotion and faith in her never waned.

Pretty deep for a child’s movie but if we take the time to look at all Disney’s animated movies there is always a lesson for the parents. Lessons that we would do well to learn.

If we were having a cup of tea right now…

/ Denise / 6 Comments

I’d tell you that you’re right, your grandsons all look just like you – in mind and spirit. That they’ve grown into fine young men you’d be proud of. That they tell your stories as if it were yesterday. That they love your sense of humour and rely on your constant support and love. That they love that funny ‘last lash’ game you always play.

We would watch the ships way out in the ocean, and you’d count them as you always do. You would remark on the flowers in my garden that remind you of dancing ladies and laugh your ‘ha ha’ kind of laugh, knowing that it would take a great stretch of my imagination to see them as you do. We would admire the humming birds as they sip the nectar of their favourite flower and we would reminisce our lost love.

You would tell me what you did this past week – stories that seem to be the same, but I would listen as if they were exciting and new. We would sit and enjoy each other’s company knowing that the time was drawing near.

If we were having a cup of tea right now, I would not be afraid to tell you that I love you. That you’ve always been my pillar of strength. That I would miss you when you are gone.

If we could only be having a cup of tea right now….

My dear son ….

/ Denise / 1 Comment

I would guess that you love me as any other child would love their mother who has spent every moment of your life ensuring that you are fed, clothed, housed and educated. That you have everything you need and most of what you want. That your experiences are mostly happy and that you learn from your mistakes. That you grow up to be honest, loving, gentle, trustworthy. That most of all you know what it means to be truly loved and what it means to truly love.

I would also guess that there’s a lot of me in you. That may or may not be a good thing. But when you laugh at silly jokes, I see a bit of me in you. When you stand your ground (whether you are right or wrong), I see a bit of me in you. When you appreciate the glows and colours of a sunset, I see a bit of me in you. Most of all when you open your heart to love another, I see a bit of me in you.

The thing is you’ve filled my life with very many precious memories. I have so many stories to tell and as I think of them all, I smile. I smile loudly. I smile because you’ve made me laugh. You’ve made me cry. You’ve made me happy and sad. You’ve made me angry and scared. But most of all you’ve made me love. Love without knowing it was love. It just happened. From the very first moment I laid eyes on you. Your crinkly face. Your perfect fingers and toes. Your warm little squirming body.

And as you grew up, so did I. I grew strong and confident so I could protect and guide you. I learned how to cook so that I could make sure you were healthy. I became wise and discerning so that I could show you the way. And most of all my heart grew larger so I could love you more and more each day.

My wish for you is that you embrace life with open arms. Love as you want to be loved. Be generous of heart, mind and spirit. Don’t take yourself too seriously. Laugh every single day. And take the time to bask in the glow of the sunset.

Love as always
Mom

Family Weddings

/ Denise / Leave a comment

I absolutely love family weddings. And by family, I include close friends – weddings where you feel you’ve made some sort of contribution to this declaration of love, just by being a part of the couple’s life.

I love the feeling of ‘happy’ that fills the atmosphere and infiltrates your every thought, word and action. And it’s not just because of the overflow of bubbly, wine or Vodka. It’s the excitement of the world about to be created by the newly weds. A world which includes the coming together of two unsuspecting families – each bringing their own traditions, history, and expectations of the future. A world where everything is possible – filled with adventure, hope, dreams and new life. A journey that has no end and one that can only grow deeper in love and trust.

I’ve recently attended the wedding of my husband’s nephew whose parentage is Trinidadian and English. He grew up in England where he met his dream girl and whose parentage is Polish. The wedding took place in beautiful Zakopane, a small town 1 hour outside of Krakow, Poland. The guest list included friends and family from several different parts of the world – a testament that I am not the only one who absolutely loves a family wedding – or more to the point – the joining together of two great people.

What made this wedding special was the absolute love and care that went into its every detail. And you felt it from the moment you received your ‘Save the Date’ email one year before. Imagine bringing together some 200 odd people from different parts of the world and taking care of their every need – smoothly, effortlessly and with the broadest of smiles.

What piqued my interest most – apart from the overflow of food, which included pork in its every form or fashion, wine and Vodka and more Vodka – was the unique way the Poles have of ensuring the longevity of this union. Very simply Greg had to ‘buy’ Julia. We know that some religions work with the ‘dowry’ concept and this usually takes the form of land or cattle – something with a high cash value. Julia, however, was ‘sold’ for a ration of cheese, a bottle of Vodka and One hundred TT Dollars (USD15.00). Let me say this however, that she is worth her weight in gold and they have both won the jackpot.

Thank you Greg and Julia – may all your dreams come true.

 

 

 

Nieces are a gift from God

/ Denise / 2 Comments

Having only sons I often wonder what it would be like to raise a daughter. They are different – boys, for the most part, like boy things. Trying to teach my boys the wonders of sewing one day, I realized very quickly how boring it was to create things from cloth, in their eyes anyway, as I found myself surrounded by no one after a very short explanation on the art of keeping the cloth and the needle in sync, trying to sew a straight line. They just wanted to be outside exploring.

Having failed miserably at the concept of changing the status quo and raising sons to appreciate ‘girly’ stuff (I know this is not socially correct – but bear with me), I soon realized that my mission in life was not to change, but to lead by example.

That’s where my nieces come in. I am from a family of 5 – 2 girls and 3 boys – and guess what – the girls have the sons and the boys have the daughters – for the most part anyway. Why Oh Lord Why? It’s not often we find the answer to this type of question in one’s lifetime, but fortunately I’ve discovered that nieces are in fact a gift from God.

Your brothers by some sort of misguided chance and the love of their wives, deal with the daily struggles of raising daughters, and you, the unsuspecting but very loving aunt, reap the benefits of the young female adult, eager to share, create, experience, learn, from and with you, the old aunt – who has not a care in the world but loads and loads of love to give, many stories to tell, and lots of wine to share.

I thought the Lord was playing a dirty trick on me, but now I realize that He has given me the best of both worlds – young men who will care for and cherish the women in their lives and young ladies who will share their simplest of dreams, their most creative of talents, and most of all their love.

Always cherish your role in life and Never, but Never, under estimate the value of a niece.