Not in a sad way. I don’t cry big tears. And I don’t wear a long face because you are gone. What I miss is not sharing what my life has become with you.
Daddy, I know you would have probably asked me a million questions as to why I wouldn’t stick it out just another 5 years before I retired. And after many discussions, you’d stare off into the view quietly letting me know that even though you may not fully agree, you’d be right there supporting me all the way, as you always did. But believe me you’d be so happy for me now seeing the genuine smile on my face as I enjoy the simple things in life. Sunsets, walking on the beach any day of the week, sibling hotdog nights, gardening, traveling, sewing. Spending quality time with those who matter the most to me. My freedom to do what most pleases me.
Mum, you would be right there smiling at my side sharing special moments in my ‘cosy corner’ as we pull out pieces of fabric to make quilts together. Choosing the colours, laughing at the small pieces of fabric you saved years before, the ones I begged you to throw away, happy now to include them in a one-of-a-kind treasure for the grandkids. You would encourage me as I make my mistakes and smile a proud smile as I showed it off to you.
The boys have grown and flown the nest. Just like you warned. I know you’d be as proud of them as I am. They love like you taught us. And have made strong bonds like you showed us. They are loyal, strong and determined. And just like you had hoped, they’ve brought a special joy to my life.
The grandkids. Oh, the grandkids. You would love them, and they would love you right back. Dad with your always ready for a hug arms. Mum always ready to serve them their favourite treat. With your smile so gentle and your laugh so contagious. And of course, Dad, they all look just like you. The boys would be jumping all over the place as boys do, and the girls would have you wrapped ever so tightly around your little finger. And yes, as an answer to your prayers, I have been blessed with not one but two granddaughters.
The one thing that would make your face wince though is that they live so far away. But we’d Facetime them on your visits home and you would laugh and chat with them, always in awe at what technology could do.
But most of all I miss seeing you, kissing you hello and hugging you goodbye. Knowing that I could come visit you any day, any time.
“Let’s go firefighters” and off we went to the movies.
The excitement was building (for us anyway) ever since we discovered that Moana 2 would be showing before we left Aussie. And as soon as we told the boys we were going, we were all pumped.
“Julsie, we’re not going to school today. We are going to see Moana with Grandma and Pappi and Wyatt”. Faces lit with excitement and good behaviour was the order of the day.
The car ride was a bit long I must admit, but the songs and storytelling certainly helped in passing the time successfully. When we arrived at Wyatt’s school, the excitement intensified. Jumping and running to meet us, joyfully waving goodbye to his teachers and friends, Wyatt literally launched into the car joining his two cousins, sharing snacks, chatting about everything under this sun, singing the Moana songs like true Moana-ites.
We were finally on our way.
As we reached the Mall they were let loose and ran ahead like crazy picnies, stopping only to know which way to turn. The giggles, the screeches, the laughter, filled out hearts. We purchased 5 tickets and in reality only used 3 seats as one little firefighter needed some cuddles during the ‘scary’ parts, much to my delight, and the other two had their movie comments to discuss throughout.
“I need cuddles, Grandma.”
They’ve grown so much since we last saw them just a mere 3 months ago.
Solomon, now 5 is maturing daily. Loves story telling. Is knowledgeable on any animal topic. Is engrossed with Lego and never forgets anything as “it is right here in my memory” Grandma. He wears his heart on his sleeve and is a loving big brother, except when his rules are not followed.
Wyatt is 4 and his big brother instincts are kicking in slowly but surely. Loves riding to and from school with his Pappi, gets a kick out of playing football on an afternoon and is super excited to join his new friends at Ju Jitsu. His hugs are heartfelt and when his little face lights up you can’t help but fall in love all over again.
Little Julius just turned 3 and does not stop talking, or singing for that matter. He too loves story telling and knows how to push his big brother’s buttons pulling the “I’m the little one card” when he needs it. His hugs are to die for and his smile melts your heart.
Thea Molly Rose. A 1 year old toddler going on 13. Aware of everything around her and super sensitive to her brother’s needs, bringing him his water bottle when she sees him fussing. She’s not a push over by any means and has mastered the art of wrapping you around her little finger. Julius is wary of her as she makes her needs/demands known in no uncertain terms. I imagine she will be a force to be reckoned with.
It is heart warming to see them together. Excited and happy to be with each other as often as they can. Riding, swimming, playing, just being kids who are cousins.
It’s been a world wind of a visit. A mere 5 weeks together. And I’ll do it over and over again, as long as my body and mind can handle it.
Crêpes Grand Marnier. Baguettes. Cafés. Hot Chocolate. Underground bars. Chasing the sun rays. Hitch Hiking. Hostels. Trying to ski. New Friends. Lots of laughter. Missing home. First Winter. Minimal heating. Exploring. Learning. Life’s first adventures.
Just some of the many memories of my year in France several moons ago when I left home for the first time to learn to speak French. A dream of mine for many years. I was dropped off in Grenoble by my very brave father, left in what seemed like a monastery, enrolled at the Université de Grenoble, and the rest is history.
I made some life-long friends. Came away with a good working knowledge of French and most importantly a good working knowledge of life. Learned to live on my own and learned to manoeuvre the intricacies of relationships.
And now to return to this country I once called home for a fleeting moment in time. I feel as if I should know everything but I don’t. My memories are limited to the little town of Grenoble, neatly tucked away at the bottom of the alps where as a student you felt you owned the town.
Looking forward this time to experiencing France as an adult with nowhere to be and lots of time to get there. Wanting most of all to resurrect my knowledge of French hoping to feel as comfortable as I did many years ago.
Our first day included a round trip from St. Rémy to Château des Beaux de Provence. Cycling along the cycle paths through the peaceful countryside, stumbling upon the ruins of an aqueduct and eventually exploring the Château des Beaux, an ancient medieval fortress which attracts many tourists for its amazing views, quaint shopping and interesting restaurants. But at the same time represents a warring history since the 11th Century. Its ruinous buildings add charm and intrigue. And as you venture to the top, the view opens up unexpectedly as far as Marseille leaving you gratified that you took the time to slowly explore the ins and outs of this amazing Château.
The following days just kept getting better and better. Beautiful weather. Cool breezes. Apple orchards. Open fields. Mountain Views. Quiet cycle paths. Rolling hills presenting a challenging ride. Passing through the small towns of Moleges, Saint Andiol, Plan d’Organ stopping in others for lunch and the much needed beverage.
Crispy cold white wine and local beers make the cycle all the more worthwhile. Chatting on the way, stopping to take the must-have pics to preserve our memories of this journey. At no time imagining the beauty of the towns before us.
La Fontaine de Vaucluse captured our hearts.
Upon approaching we stopped off at what we believe to be a beautiful respite for the day. What seems to be a river with clear water emerald in colour, lined by stone buildings centuries old carefully preserved. We admire those daring to venture into the water on kayaks imagining that the water is near freezing. Thanks but no thanks.
But as we coast into la Fontaine de Vaucluse we are struck by the unassuming beauty of this town. Large Sycamore trees encircle the Centre fountain making for a cosy welcoming atmosphere. The chitter chatter in the restaurants that surround, the babbling of the water flowing in and around the town, the cobblestone streets make it the perfect stop for the next two nights.
We make the most of our stay by exploring the narrow streets, searching for the source of the water and finally hiking up the steep stoney pathway to the ruins of an old castle on the hill taking in the majestic views from the top.
I finally taste my first real French Crepe Grand Mariner in what feels like a century, and all is good. Bringing back memories of a time long ago when my journey had only just begun.
And so it went from St. Rémy to Châteaux des Beaux, La Fontaine de Vaucluse to l’Isle sur la Sorgue, Roussillon, Cavaillon…. One enchanting village after another. Capturing your heart with its authenticity and charm. Comforting you with its wine and food.
Adding to my memories of Crêpes Grand Marnier, Baguettes, Cafés with Escargots, Wine, Cycle paths, open fields, Apple Orchards, Vineyards, Biking, Fine Dining. Let’s not forget the laughter and friendship that will last a lifetime.
I’ve been super busy. Not words that I ever thought I’d utter once I retired. But life has been relentless. Relentless with its blessings. Relentless with its surprises. Relentless with its opportunities.
When I retired I dove into four main hobbies I wanted to explore. Quilting, Mosaic, Macrame and Writing. I wanted to master, if not just dabble in acquiring and improving on these skills. With no other purpose than to learn something new. Explore my creativity. Keep myself motivated and occupied.
And if you know me I dove in head first. No swimming in the baby pool for me. So I signed up with the University of YouTube and began to learn everything I could. For days and weeks on end I’d pore over videos of experts doing their thing. And I got to acquiring the necessary tools to practice what I had learned. I loved every single moment of this learning experience.
Quilting was both easy and challenging. I could always manage a sewing machine, having started sewing at my mother’s side as a young child. Making the quilt tops proved to be simpler than I expected but nonetheless exciting. Watching large pieces of fabric turn into small pieces of fabric and then magically morph into varying designs at the flip of a half square triangle. That was thrilling. The actual machine quilting needed some practice and specific tools. And I’ve been forging ahead learning something new about quilting and myself with each quilt I sew.
Mosaic took me out of my comfort zone. I had taken a course in the art of mosaic several years prior but never followed up until now. I was rusty and again turned to YouTube for inspiration. I marvelled in the mixing of grout or concrete, cutting of tiles, watching different patterns and images come to life, much like the art of quilting. My garden is now spotted with stepping stones and my home is adorned with some mosaic wall art. Products of my mosaic adventure.
Macrame just soothes me. My husband would frequently call out to me in my hideaway loft asking what I was doing, and, with a smile, I’d simply answer “tying knots”. To make sure these were creative knots and not knots of some sinister vice, he built a macrame ‘thing-a-majig’ for me to sit and play with my cord to my heart’s content. I’ve made wall hangings, plant holders, hat holders, table runners – and there is still so much cord and projects on my wish list, I’ll probably need another few years of arthritis-free fingers to complete them.
My writing kept me grounded through these explorations. Helping me to focus, to keep my thoughts in check. It allowed me to discuss different topics – those close to my heart, and those close to the hearts of others. I’ve published most through my blog, some through a local magazine, but have kept a lot to myself. Still shy. Not yet ready to be shared. But with all that’s going on in my life, the whole writing adventure surely gets pushed aside from time to time.
Fast forward to 2024 and I had to make a decision. Too many hobbies meant being a Jack of all trades and a master of none. So I took a critical look at my work and my skills. Did a deep dive into my true moments of joy. And made the decision to focus on one that gives me a reason to wake up in the morning. Have another as a nice-to-have, that sweet pleasure we all need in our life and one more to keep me grounded. Pretty much a 60-30-10 sort of notion. Balance. Or so I thought.
Then there’s the sand to add to the bottle – the glue keeping all these balls together – gardening, exercise and family. These fill me up in different ways. The first affords me the space to sit and dream every day, the second keeps me outdoors exploring and my heart pumping to see another day and the third makes everything all worthwhile.
When I retired I never wanted to use the word ‘busy’ to describe my life again. The Oxford Thesaurus defines ‘busy’ as occupied or unavailable. ‘Occupied’ sounds unapproachable and ‘Unavailable’ just sounds selfish. ‘Busy’ doesn’t really sound like a happy to be.
So I’ve decided that what I am, is enjoying the fruits of a well-deserved retirement. Long but apt. My hands are full with exciting projects and my heart is overflowing with unimaginable joy.
So many social media posts list up to 40 life-long learnings of those of us blessed with age. Lists that, while trying to help those younger in years to skip the line to really understanding what life should be all about, tend to dismiss the fact that the very struggles of daily life, navigating the ups and downs are in fact, part and parcel of growing up and finally reaching the stage when you too can actually own the simple cliche – don’t sweat the small stuff. The journey, in my opinion, is the real deal.
So this is my short but sweet list.
1. You are in control. Be accountable. Take responsibility for your life.
2. You are supposed to make mistakes. Own them. Learn from them and move on.
3. People will always have something to say. If it’s not true – forget it. If it’s true – do something about it.
4. Laughing is therapy. Laugh at and with yourself first and foremost. You will find that you actually have a great sense of humour.
Driving home last night after what turned out to be a lovely birthday celebration of dinner and cocktails at sunset – well what was supposed to be a sunset – we were greeted with the beginnings of very stormy weather. Dark ominous clouds, thunder and lightening. Weather that had been forecast a few days prior. But we went anyway.
I was sitting in the front of the vehicle with my son. And I sighed at the rain. Something I don’t usually do. I love the rain and all the good that it brings. Pondering this time however what it might mean for the first week of the New Year.
“Rain brings new growth Mum.” And I smiled in relief. And some tears of gratitude for my many blessings.
And so I begin the New Year with promises of new growth. With an open mind and open arms. To whatever life may throw at me. Knowing that even though dark clouds may threaten, there will always be the proverbial silver lining. I just need to look for it.
I have been absent from my blog for a few months this year. For those of you who may have noticed and missed my musings, thanks for following me. The truth is that I’ve been preoccupied with life. Not the cliché ‘busy’ but ‘preoccupied’. And intentionally so.
There is a difference between being ‘busy’ and being ‘preoccupied’ – in my mind anyway. ‘Busy’ is what I was during my working years. What seemed like a million things to do to get through a day’s work, at the same time keeping up with my other responsibilities as a home-owner, wife, mother – and let’s not forget sneaking in some time for myself and trying to remain true to my family and friends. It was indeed a busy life. And as much as I enjoyed this former life which has afforded me many satisfying moments, and luxuries – and still does mind you – I can safely say that my retired life is second to none. One that is well-deserved and well-timed, if I may say so myself.
For you see I now preoccupy myself with what matters most to me. Time for myself, my family and my friends. A better place to be when whatever you do is a conscious decision based on the value it brings to you and those who are important to you. You now begin to focus on building memories leaving the ‘things’ you felt you absolutely needed behind. You now engross yourself in activities which nurture your inner creativity and bring you inner joy. You learn how to say ‘enough’ and walk away, peacefully. You learn how to ‘let go’ even though your heart is torn, but knowing that you’ve done your best. Believing that it will all work out in its own time.
My blog writing may have taken a dive, but I still take time to share my thoughts in other avenues. I’ve enrolled in the University of YouTube and delve into the making of anything a sewing machine can do. I’ve rekindled some friendships and made new ones and probably due to a natural expiration date may have let some go. I’ve quietened my voice so that I can listen more and in so doing find that I understand more. In essence I continue to be a work in progress, even at this stage of my life for I realize that there is so much more that I can be, that I want to be.
And my blessings abound. As I sit and write, the squealing voices of my grandchildren in the background fill my heart to overflowing with love. The pitter patter of rain falling on the roof lulls me to a semi-conscious state of peace knowing that the garden is enjoying a much needed gentle soaking. I am reminded of so many great moments this year – from the spur of moment visit to friends near and far for a catch up, to cycling to the end of the earth with my one and only. From siblings hot-dog nights, to camper-van exploring with my kids. From sitting staring at the ocean to trekking through the forest feasting my eyes and my soul on some of the most beautiful waterfalls. To just sitting still.
To understand and accept that life is what you make it, that happiness comes from within and every moment counts. These are the clichés I aspire to embody.
Merry Christmas to you and your family. May your heart be filled with love. May you be at peace.
It’s been a long time coming my visit to Madeira. The fascination began many years ago when I learned that my great great grandfather left the island towards the beginning of the 20th century in search of more peaceful lands due to religious persecution by the Catholic clergy of Funchal. It always seemed like a fairy tale imagining him escaping in the dark of the night aboard a pirate ship huddled with his family seeking a new life in the far off Caribbean. Landing on the rich soil of Trinidad and Tobago, happy at last to be able to build a future for his family. A child’s imagination for sure, but one which has stayed with me.
In one word Madeira is enchanting. It has been described as “an oasis of green in the Atlantic Ocean”. Its spring-like climate and rich soil are indeed the major ingredients for the lush environment across the island. Its flora is very similar to the Caribbean and yet everything grows in a more prolific manner. Even though it is located in what seems like in the middle of the ocean with a meagre size of 55k x 22k, Madeira is not in harm’s way of major weather systems.
According to Tom Mullen ‘Madeira is an oddly unique geographical and cultural blip—a rich little universe of rough mountains and lush slopes slapped by Atlantic breakers off the coast of Africa.’ A more apt description I could not find.
The people are proud of their island and over the years primarily through necessity, have created easy access to some of the most challenging and awe-inspiring treks through its lush mountains. Centuries ago its people would spend days sometimes weeks crossing the mountains to visit family and friends and in some instances earn a living. Now with the construction of tunnels upon tunnels, connection between the four points of the island is no longer a deterrent.
Simply put though the place is a small paradise. The people are warm and inviting. Yes it is a tourist destination particularly popular with the British, but apart from the different languages being spoken in the streets indicating the presence of foreigners, you feel yourself one with the culture and slip into this peaceful easy life the locals treasure.
We took the opportunity to explore the island by car and by foot, touring the northwestern tip of the island through the forests, dipping in the ocean and exploring the tropical gardens at the top of the mountain. Trekking the Pico de Areeiro has to have been the highlight of our visit. Words nor pictures can fully capture its beauty. The experience of walking along the 5ft wide trails at the top of the mountain shrouded in the clouds with views of hills and valleys on either side, stepping gently through dark tunnels, walking along the 3ft ledges at the edge of the mountain, traversing the peaks at 1800m. Challenging, exhilarating, mind-blowing – just some of the adjectives that come to mind.
Oh gosh let’s not talk about the food. Seafood of all sorts. I’ve fallen in love with Risotto. I can’t say I love the Madeira wine, but Portuguese red, white and verde – oh my word.
We spent a mere 4 days. I fell in love with my motherland. I am a proud descendant. I left reluctantly with memories that will last a lifetime.
Trekking to Pico AreeiroCoastal viewsFanal ForestMonte Palace Tropical Gardens
The last time I visited Athens, I was in my late teens and I won’t even try to count how many years ago as I’ll get lost in the numbers. My memories have faded somewhat though. I do remember visiting the Acropolis. I remember pretending to be on stage in the ruins of an amphitheater, mike in hand, singing Lord alone knows what. And I remember the excitement of the Plaka with its array of restaurants and local food choices. What stays with me in vivid colour however is being lost in love with my now husband as we experienced Europe together, ‘training’ it from one city to the next, stopping at whim in small towns that caught our fancy.
Enjoying Athens, Greece
And it is clear to me now more than ever that your memories will always be just that – the feelings, the emotions evoked throughout your life. Visiting Athens now is a different experience. I am at a totally different stage of life and even though my focus may seem to be capturing the beauty of the city through my camera lens, I know that these special moments shared with family and friends will be what brings that sweet smile to my face when I look back on the adventures in my life.
Sharing good times with family and friends
Greece will always hold the mystery and allure of its ancient mythology. The Gods who ruled the skies and the earth. The Gods who ruled your heart and your destiny. I remember being captured by it as a teenager, dreaming, wishing that I had been part of this enigma years ago. And now as I re-visit and explore its islands, I am fascinated by its ancient history that is still so present and the masterful landscapes that have been created over time, by the hand of nature, or their Gods.
I have returned now for a ‘big fat Greek wedding’ on the island of Milos. With its 5000 welcoming inhabitants, its arid terrain, and island charm, it brings back flashes of our previous visit to Santorini and Mykonos when we were met by ladies dressed in black at the port offering rooms in their homes for rent (Airbnb entrepreneurs). Their hospitality second to none. Walking through the narrow streets hand in hand admiring the beauty of the monochromatic buildings in their blue and white. Seeking out the secluded beaches where we could spend precious time together. And of course experiencing the night life for which these islands were renowned.
Now as we explore Milos, the fun, adventure and charm of the islands continue to captivate. At first sight Milos seems very underwhelming. Its airport will either scare you or charm the pants off of you. But as you explore the island more closely it will amaze you. The Luna-like landscape which initially jarred because of its aridity becomes fascinating. The strip mining quarries expose the diverse colours of the earth in a majestic, almost painterly manner. The peaceful nature of the sandy/pebbly beaches beckon, the varying blues of the clear waters draw you in. The food which stays true to its Greek origins, excites your taste buds and once again the memories are created for a lifetime.
“So what do you do every day?” – the number one question I receive at least once a week. I am touched that so many people are interested in my whereabouts now that I am retired and it always brings a smile to my face, especially because I am really not sure if the person is baffled, worried or simply interested in how I am managing this thing called ‘retirement’.
It is an important question, mind you – what you do with your days after 35 years of being consumed with your job, children, hobbies and life in general. There is a major gap to fill when you retire to an empty nest. And I strongly believe that you need to prepare yourself mentally, physically and financially for this new stage of life. But I was genuinely never worried about filling my days with ‘busyness’ because quite frankly I wanted them as empty as possible so that I could fill them with what I wanted to fill them with. That was my goal, and my mantra – nowhere to be and lots of time to get there – continues to guide me.
My answer to this question is oftentimes – ‘Whatever I want to do’. It really doesn’t answer the question and may sound rude but in essence it simply means that I am free to do as I please, that flexibility rules my day.
Today I thought I’d document my every move – because sometimes I too, am not quite sure what I’ve been up to. So here goes, for those who are really interested in my sometimes-daily routine.
5.00 – Internal alarms goes off – meaning that my eyes can no longer stay closed which I am told is a mature person’s curse. I have not set a morning alarm since I’ve retired, and you have no idea how ‘freeing’ this is. I get up and start my day and I’ve chosen to fill my early morning with exercise. So, I quickly feed the dogs and I am out of the house by 6.00 to take a leisurely 8k run.
The sun is risingI am ready for today’s run
The sun is rising, lights are still on in my neighbourhood, the air is cool, the birds are already up and searching for food. As I stroll down my hill, I take in the lush views of the mountains and begin my run slowly, enjoying the peace and quiet on the roads. I am smiling.
The route is quiet at first but as the rest of the world begins their daily commute to school and work, the sound of the birds chirping is drowned by the noise of vehicles rushing to get where they need to be. I am still smiling – I have nothing to rush anywhere for. I feel at peace even with the hustle and bustle around me.
As I finish my run in my favourite park, the squawking of the parrots come back into focus, the squirrels are scurrying from tree to tree, and I share the usual morning pleasantries and chats with my morning exercise buddies. As I pass the school on my way home, mothers are frantically doing last minute homework with their kids, quick hugs and kisses, and they are off to start their day. I remember those days and I smile.
This particular morning, the traffic is thick. I slowly walk back home engaging in conversation with at least four drivers who are at a standstill. I laugh and jokingly thank the traffic for letting me catch up with some friends on the way.
Perusing the gardenThe fish are happyFresh produce for lunch
8.00 – I peruse my garden – feeding the wild birds and the pond fish. There’s nothing like walking through your garden, trimming, pruning, chatting with the flowers and wildlife along the way – picking the fresh produce of the day. It’s peaceful and rewarding. As I sit having breakfast, the hummingbirds are darting back and forth from the flowers to their feeders, the wild birds are having a blast with the fresh seeds, the butterflies flitting gracefully from flower to flower. The morning is cool. The rest of the day looms ahead.
10.00 – Hobbies are cast aside today as I have some last-minute shopping to do readying for my big trip next week to see my boys. At the mall I meet up with my sister unexpectedly. With nowhere to be and lots of time to get there, we catch up on the last days’ events, laugh and even reminisce, forgetting that we have anything else to do. Then, oops, we do have things to do and continue on our merry way, all the better for having met up with each other.
Alas, nothing like a nap when it is raining…
1.00pm – Lunch while catching up with the BBC and some other personal messages. However, a day is never complete without succumbing to the call of the sleep gods. And it is raining. YES!!! A movie and a nap are in order for the afternoon quiet time. This was always a must on my retirement list of ‘things to do’ – nap time, relax time, meditation time, me time – call it what you will – the only flexibility about this time is its length, but it happens every single day.
3.00 – I thought I had set aside my hobbies for the day, but my sewing machine is clambering for some attention, and I dutifully answer the call – finishing off some projects before my impending vacation next week. I am still smiling.
Readying for the Sunset with a glass of wineCooling down with the rainHappy to have fed the hummingbirds and butterflies
But by 6.00, the sun is on the verge of setting and I prepare myself for the end of another beautiful retired day with a glass of wine.
It was a good day. I am blessed and grateful. Looking forward to tomorrow ….
The best time of day… or is it?The flowers are ready for the sun to setA rainy day always brings a brilliant sunset
Explore with me 