On our way again…

March 28, 2025 / Denise / 3 Comments

How many times must I make this journey to see my grandkids before I lose the excitement of getting there. Many many many more I can only imagine, for each visit brings its own thrills.

This time like 4 other times before, we are meeting one of our grandkids for the first time.

I remember Solomon our first, meeting him at 3 months old. And your first in everything always brings with it varying emotions. From excitement to anxiety. From ‘I can’t wait to get there’ to ‘Wait, is this really happening?’ From ‘Do I remember what to do with a baby’ to ‘Oh my word, I can’t wait to snuggle his baby toes’. And always to moments where your heart is so full it empties through your eyes.

But I’ve realised that those emotions never disappear. I remember Wyatt our second. Meeting him when he was already one year and a bit, after the drama that was Covid. There was a longing, a feeling of wanting to catch up on everything I had missed for the past year. FaceTime allowed us to get to know each other but only just barely. The real deal was about to happen. I could only imagine that I had been but a funny face on the other side of the screen for his entire life. Was I just a movie for him? Did he think I was a real person? What would his reaction be when he met me face to face and realised that that funny face was actually his Grandma? A permanent fixture in his life. A bit of dread mixed with anxiety but always my heart spilling out from my eyes.

I met Julius our third at the same time as Wyatt, just two months old. He was oblivious to anything around him. Just happy to have these big humans hugging and loving him day after day. He still loves his cuddles and at two months old he was an angel – ‘was’ being the operative word.

I never wanted to leave. My three grandsons were growing up and fast. I felt I had missed out on so much that it would be impossible to make up for lost time. Whatever moments I could enjoy, I did, without restrain. Whatever milestones I could witness, I committed to memory. Whatever cuddles I could get, I savoured. Leaving was the hardest part and still is. My heart would swell and my eyes would overflow. There would be moments of no return when I felt torn and broken into pieces.

These three grandchildren became the magnet that would draw me back to Australia time and time again. I was growing accustomed. I was in my comfort zone with these boys. They had also come to visit and knew that their Grandma also had a home of her own. She had dogs and fish and lived close to the sea. They had lots of cousins where Grandma lived. There were toys and books and a hill they could roll down in glee.

And so, I thought that the visits would become just a normal way of life. I could do this without the ‘what ifs’ going through my mind. Maybe the anxiety would go away and just be replaced with excitement. Maybe my heart wouldn’t swell so much and the tears would dry up.

But nope! As fate would have it, a Princess was born and everything turned topsy turvy. A little girl. How would I even know what to do with a girl? Boys were rough and tumble. I could do that. They loved being outdoors riding their bikes and digging in the sand at the beach. We mastered that. But a Princess? The excitement once again was mixed with anxiety. And the thought of meeting the first girl filled my heart to overflowing. I could hardly wait. And the journey took forever.

I met my Thea Molly Rose at 4 months old. Already her personality was shining through, and she melted my heart with her big smile and ready to come to Grandma with open ar. We bonded easily. She allowed me into her Princess world and quickly wedged her way into my heart making it ever so difficult to leave.

And now Princess no. 2 has arrived. She’ll be just 10 days old when I meet her. And I will leave her when she’s not even two months old. Already my heart is growing making room for another lifelong love. And once again the excitement is mixed with anxiety. The ‘she’s so small and will not even remember me’ haunts my every thought.

I am already preparing myself for the inevitable. A swollen heart, swollen eyes, pieces of my heart left across the globe and a longing to make the journey once again. For I already have another little love to meet before the end of the year.

I know now though, that these emotions are never far away and will resurface as soon as my journey begins, whether I like it or not.

The best time ever…

January 10, 2025 / Denise / Leave a comment

“Let’s go firefighters” and off we went to the movies.

The excitement was building (for us anyway) ever since we discovered that Moana 2 would be showing before we left Aussie. And as soon as we told the boys we were going, we were all pumped.

“Julsie, we’re not going to school today. We are going to see Moana with Grandma and Pappi and Wyatt”. Faces lit with excitement and good behaviour was the order of the day.

The car ride was a bit long I must admit, but the songs and storytelling certainly helped in passing the time successfully. When we arrived at Wyatt’s school, the excitement intensified. Jumping and running to meet us, joyfully waving goodbye to his teachers and friends, Wyatt literally launched into the car joining his two cousins, sharing snacks, chatting about everything under this sun, singing the Moana songs like true Moana-ites.

We were finally on our way.

As we reached the Mall they were let loose and ran ahead like crazy picnies, stopping only to know which way to turn. The giggles, the screeches, the laughter, filled out hearts. We purchased 5 tickets and in reality only used 3 seats as one little firefighter needed some cuddles during the ‘scary’ parts, much to my delight, and the other two had their movie comments to discuss throughout.

They’ve grown so much since we last saw them just a mere 3 months ago.

Solomon, now 5 is maturing daily. Loves story telling. Is knowledgeable on any animal topic. Is engrossed with Lego and never forgets anything as “it is right here in my memory” Grandma. He wears his heart on his sleeve and is a loving big brother, except when his rules are not followed.

Wyatt is 4 and his big brother instincts are kicking in slowly but surely. Loves riding to and from school with his Pappi, gets a kick out of playing football on an afternoon and is super excited to join his new friends at Ju Jitsu. His hugs are heartfelt and when his little face lights up you can’t help but fall in love all over again.

Little Julius just turned 3 and does not stop talking, or singing for that matter. He too loves story telling and knows how to push his big brother’s buttons pulling the “I’m the little one card” when he needs it. His hugs are to die for and his smile melts your heart.

Thea Molly Rose. A 1 year old toddler going on 13. Aware of everything around her and super sensitive to her brother’s needs, bringing him his water bottle when she sees him fussing. She’s not a push over by any means and has mastered the art of wrapping you around her little finger. Julius is wary of her as she makes her needs/demands known in no uncertain terms. I imagine she will be a force to be reckoned with.

It is heart warming to see them together. Excited and happy to be with each other as often as they can. Riding, swimming, playing, just being kids who are cousins.

It’s been a world wind of a visit. A mere 5 weeks together. And I’ll do it over and over again, as long as my body and mind can handle it.

Leaving is the hardest part…

January 6, 2024January 9, 2024 / Denise / 9 Comments

Just a little over a year ago I left my grandchildren with the heaviest of hearts. There was just not enough time to share my love with them. And now one year later, the departure is no less heart wrenching.

I can’t complain though. 2022 was amazing. With two visits to Aussie and a Christmas season shared with all at home. I will never complain. But leaving is always the hardest part. The cuddles become sweeter. The laughs become louder. The moments more precious.

Solomon is now 4. He is, for all intents and purposes, a big boy. He is a loving big brother. His cousins adore him. He is gentle and kind, most of the time. Conversations vary from little boy to almost teenager. But there is always a conversation and he more often than not starts with – “Grandma, did you know….?” sharing his 4-year old wisdom whenever he can. His obsession with Super heroes is beyond. “You want to come visit my superhero house Grandma?” Of course I answered. “But just know Grandma that it always snows on Fridays.” “Well I’ll have to bring my warm jacket.” I reply. “Not to worry Grandma,” he consoles. “I have warm clothes for 80-year olds……” “What about 40-year olds,” I counter. “Yes Grandma all ages. Not to worry.” I frown. 80 year olds? Well really.

Wyatt is 3. Learning to be a big brother. Always busy and still can’t keep still for long. Doesn’t know how to walk from A to B. Must run. Easily distracted unless it involves cars, planes or trains – a worrisome characteristic when learning to ride his bike, looking all over the place except ahead of him. Loves to help in the garden except when he stumbles upon his water gun and must squirt everything in sight. Loves the ocean as he calls it, running into the waves and toppling over, bubbling up in peals of laughter. Not good for grandparents. Thankfully he knows how to swim. His cuddles, when he decides to share them, warm your heart. And you don’t want to let go.

Julius is 2 going on 12. Talks non-stop. Not needing any response really. Full sentences with an accent that takes some time getting accustomed to. “Where dis come from?” is his favourite question with a hint of Trini lingo. “Shops!” is the go-to answer. And of course, the age-old question of ‘Why?’. He is learning to love the water, but it can’t be too cold. “I want to cuddle you” jerks at your heart but you soon learn that it usually gets him off the ground and from A to B very easily. But you don’t care. A cuddle is a cuddle. He has a mischievous streak. A smile that melts ice. Determined with no fear.

Julius – thinks he is a big boy always with a story to tell

Then there is our Thea Molly Rose – almost 7 months. Our newest angel. Our first granddaughter and the first girl in the family. She has captured our hearts with her open smile, quiet nature (for now) and her delicious thunder thighs. She is quietened by Solomon and excited by her brother, Wyatt who makes her laugh at the slightest action. She loves hugs and kisses, probably because she can’t yet dodge them on her own. And I have this feeling that she will rule her brother and cousins with the wave of a finger. Time will tell.

Their laughter. Their stories. Their different personalities keep you on your toes. Your heart swells with each look, each smile, each cuddle, each small hand slipped into yours. Each time you hear them utter the word, ‘Grandma’. And you can’t tear yourself away. But you must.

Until next time my angels.

Grandma loves you to the planets and back, over and over and over again.