Family

Life is a *itch, and then you die…

/ Denise / Leave a comment

How often have I heard my mother-in-law utter these words. And each time I chuckle, thinking that it could be true, but not quite understanding the depth of it from her point of view.

The first time I met my mother-in-law, she was crouched on the floor with her butt in the air, ‘releasing gas’ as she later explained. She was not aware that I was coming to visit. But as the years have passed, I realise that that would not have made any difference. She needed to ‘release gas’ and that was the best way she knew how. She would have crouched on the floor even if I were there, for the first time.

You hear many stories of ‘in-laws’ and I have made it my life-long commitment not to be the nightmare mother-in-law, as described by so many. But quite frankly how could I be when my personal experience has been filled with great examples from both sides. Little or no interference, always there to support when needed. Everything has always been just easy.

Actually it’s also been quite entertaining when we consider the character that is my mother-in-law. Strong-willed (although not always so as a teenager), frank (and you better be able to take it), loud (a trait the entire family has inherited), kind (always thinking of others – she would feed the world if she could), generous (to a fault), grateful (more and more so as she gets older).

I was once asked about my ‘parents in-law’ – you know to give my experience. And I found it very difficult to find something wrong. I could think of not one moment when I felt unaccepted, frustrated or even annoyed. Today, 32 years later, I have the privilege of sharing a few days with my mother-in-law, and I am beginning to understand why life could be a ‘*itch’, from her point of view.

Imagine a busy life filled with its ups and downs. Imagine being able to manoeuvre this life with strength which comes from within, the support of family and friends that makes it all worthwhile, the love of a spouse which is beyond description. Imagine bringing up 5 children – the physical and mental agility that is needed to stay one step ahead of them, so that you can ensure that in turn they will be capable of taking care of themselves in the future, and, secretly, you as well. Imagine achieving your goals, in one way or another. Imagine that stage of your life when you feel accomplished, that it was all worth it.

Then it all starts to crumble, slowly at first, then with increasing speed. You become slower, less agile. The aches and pains of your deteriorating body. The loss of your companion of over 40 years. The feeling that you have become a bother to your family as opposed to the guiding force. You loose your independence and now need to rely on those you took such care of years ago.

You become tired, you become confused at the slightest change in your daily routine, your memory fails you and what you remember most and long for most are those days when you were at your peak. Or do you? What do you really long for at this stage of life?

And I guess, that’s when you realise that life can be a *itch, and then you die…

 

Finding Dory

/ Denise / 3 Comments

When my youngest son was 8 years old, he promised me in all sincerity that he would always go to see Disney movies with me. No matter how old he got. I was extremely happy at that thought as I love a good Disney movie, especially animated. Well that promise turned a bit sour for more than a few years after he turned 12, but today, 12 years later, he kept good on his promise. He took me to see ‘Finding Dory’.

And what a lovely movie it was. Not so impactful as ‘Finding Nemo’ but still funny and filled with undertones – no pun intended for those of us who have seen the movie.

Dory was her beautiful self, filled with wonder, fearless in her ‘living in the moon’ kind of way, a leader, a true friend, a heart full of love. You watch the movie with a smile on your face, most of the time anyway for yes, there were tear jerking moments, even for my son.

But Dory taught me a few lessons. She taught me (the always have a plan person) that you don’t always need to have a plan. You can wing it taking one step at a time, making one choice at a time. She taught me that there’s always a way – to never give up – you just need to look at things from a different angle to be able to move forward.

She reminded me that family is everything, that going home has got to be the most reassuring feeling in the world. And this took me back to my late teens when I was studying abroad. The reassurance I felt during those moments when you weren’t too sure what your next step should be. When you found yourself in situations that were touch and go. When you felt that you needed someone who knew you inside out to bear your soul to. The reassurance that home was always there and you could always go back.

Knowing this kept me going, experiencing, learning, winning, growing up. Dory had certainly grown up by the time she went back home. She had crossed the length of the ocean twice in her lifetime, overcame many hurdles, uncertainties, moments of loneliness, and because of her fearless nature, and subconsciously her knowledge that home would always be there, she was able to return home to parents whose love, devotion and faith in her never waned.

Pretty deep for a child’s movie but if we take the time to look at all Disney’s animated movies there is always a lesson for the parents. Lessons that we would do well to learn.

Nieces are a gift from God

/ Denise / 2 Comments

Having only sons I often wonder what it would be like to raise a daughter. They are different – boys, for the most part, like boy things. Trying to teach my boys the wonders of sewing one day, I realized very quickly how boring it was to create things from cloth, in their eyes anyway, as I found myself surrounded by no one after a very short explanation on the art of keeping the cloth and the needle in sync, trying to sew a straight line. They just wanted to be outside exploring.

Having failed miserably at the concept of changing the status quo and raising sons to appreciate ‘girly’ stuff (I know this is not socially correct – but bear with me), I soon realized that my mission in life was not to change, but to lead by example.

That’s where my nieces come in. I am from a family of 5 – 2 girls and 3 boys – and guess what – the girls have the sons and the boys have the daughters – for the most part anyway. Why Oh Lord Why? It’s not often we find the answer to this type of question in one’s lifetime, but fortunately I’ve discovered that nieces are in fact a gift from God.

Your brothers by some sort of misguided chance and the love of their wives, deal with the daily struggles of raising daughters, and you, the unsuspecting but very loving aunt, reap the benefits of the young female adult, eager to share, create, experience, learn, from and with you, the old aunt – who has not a care in the world but loads and loads of love to give, many stories to tell, and lots of wine to share.

I thought the Lord was playing a dirty trick on me, but now I realize that He has given me the best of both worlds – young men who will care for and cherish the women in their lives and young ladies who will share their simplest of dreams, their most creative of talents, and most of all their love.

Always cherish your role in life and Never, but Never, under estimate the value of a niece.