Family

Happy New Year

/ Denise / 1 Comment
May your life be filled with love

It’s been a while since I’ve made any New Year resolutions. Primarily because I always seem to loose the moment the New Year begins. I forget. I change my mind. I simply can’t keep it up. Whatever it may have been. My resolutions became something I thought I wanted to do and never did. And as such I spent the year kicking myself for not being able to achieve what I thought were non-complex goals.

In 2023 however I made a simple commitment. In April. One that I felt I could keep. One that resonated with who I was and who I wanted to be. I committed to being true to myself.

Some may disagree and I would sincerely appreciate the feedback whether or not I have succeeded. But at that moment in my life I decided point blank that I was working too hard to please everyone else. I had lost who I was.

I had a lingering memory of this fun-loving teenager and I wanted to be her once again. She loved life. She laughed a lot. She feared nothing. She could do anything she set her mind to. And she revelled in the security of the love of family.

So what had changed. I had a life to love. My sense of humour still prevailed. There was nothing to stop me from doing what I wanted to do. And Lord knows my family have never left my side. But I had lost my way. I let myself be swayed by the expectations of a society that I didn’t really want to be a part of. A society that wanted me to conform to their norms. To look like them. To be like them. And I was finding it hard to keep up for my aspirations no longer conformed. I no longer wanted to be like them. I was not one of them. And never would be.

With that revelation, I forgave myself all wrongdoings and moved on. Just like that. Almost like an epiphany. And just like that she returned. Slowly. One step at a time. One sweet laugh at a time. One small accomplishment at a time.

She was no longer a teenager. Lord knows she doesn’t look like one. But her heart and soul feel the energy and passion of a teenager. Her years though have taught her when to say ‘enough’ and move on. How to love with all your heart and be loved. How to be true to yourself.

The journey continues. My commitment remains strong. And I look forward to new growth, new love, new beginnings.

Happy New Year to everyone. May you find your true self. May you live your true life. May you be uplifted by the love of your family and friends.

Merry Christmas

/ Denise / 3 Comments
Merry Christmas

I have been absent from my blog for a few months this year. For those of you who may have noticed and missed my musings, thanks for following me. The truth is that I’ve been preoccupied with life. Not the cliché ‘busy’ but ‘preoccupied’. And intentionally so.

There is a difference between being ‘busy’ and being ‘preoccupied’ – in my mind anyway. ‘Busy’ is what I was during my working years. What seemed like a million things to do to get through a day’s work, at the same time keeping up with my other responsibilities as a home-owner, wife, mother – and let’s not forget sneaking in some time for myself and trying to remain true to my family and friends. It was indeed a busy life. And as much as I enjoyed this former life which has afforded me many satisfying moments, and luxuries – and still does mind you – I can safely say that my retired life is second to none. One that is well-deserved and well-timed, if I may say so myself.

For you see I now preoccupy myself with what matters most to me. Time for myself, my family and my friends. A better place to be when whatever you do is a conscious decision based on the value it brings to you and those who are important to you. You now begin to focus on building memories leaving the ‘things’ you felt you absolutely needed behind. You now engross yourself in activities which nurture your inner creativity and bring you inner joy. You learn how to say ‘enough’ and walk away, peacefully. You learn how to ‘let go’ even though your heart is torn, but knowing that you’ve done your best. Believing that it will all work out in its own time.

My blog writing may have taken a dive, but I still take time to share my thoughts in other avenues. I’ve enrolled in the University of YouTube and delve into the making of anything a sewing machine can do. I’ve rekindled some friendships and made new ones and probably due to a natural expiration date may have let some go. I’ve quietened my voice so that I can listen more and in so doing find that I understand more. In essence I continue to be a work in progress, even at this stage of my life for I realize that there is so much more that I can be, that I want to be.

And my blessings abound. As I sit and write, the squealing voices of my grandchildren in the background fill my heart to overflowing with love. The pitter patter of rain falling on the roof lulls me to a semi-conscious state of peace knowing that the garden is enjoying a much needed gentle soaking. I am reminded of so many great moments this year – from the spur of moment visit to friends near and far for a catch up, to cycling to the end of the earth with my one and only. From siblings hot-dog nights, to camper-van exploring with my kids. From sitting staring at the ocean to trekking through the forest feasting my eyes and my soul on some of the most beautiful waterfalls. To just sitting still.

To understand and accept that life is what you make it, that happiness comes from within and every moment counts. These are the clichés I aspire to embody.

Merry Christmas to you and your family. May your heart be filled with love. May you be at peace.

For Roses …

/ Denise / 7 Comments

My mother-in-law

This is a brief simple recap of the relationship I shared with my mother-in-law who recently passed away. It is not meant to recount her many idiosyncrasies. It is not meant to expound her many wonderful and sometimes crazy traits nor remember her many quips which most find so endearing.

It is simply sharing another side of Roses that only a few chosen ones have been fortunate enough to experience. The in-law side.

My first introduction to Roses was facing her straight on from the back, her rear end pointed to the heavens as she doubled over on the floor in a desperate effort to relieve some ‘gas’. It was not a pretty sight. There are some things in life that you just can’t un-see. I stood still and remained silent. I wanted to run, but Roger my now husband, was holding my hand very tightly in a desperate effort to keep me there. She eventually jumped up, laughed her infectious ‘ha ha’ laugh, her blue eyes twinkling as they always did, and we moved on as if this were the most normal thing in the world.

And therein began a very open, no frills, no fuss, nothing to hide, take it or leave it type of relationship, with the woman who was to make a huge impression on my life and the life of my three sons.

Mothers-in-law have always had a bad rap, especially if you marry the first-born male. They are interfering, pushy, want to tell you how to take care of their ‘baby’, treat you as if you know nothing, and generally make your life a living hell. Or so I was warned. But he was so cute, I took my chances and waited, ready and armed for battle.

Well that battle never happened. Instead I was faced with a mother-in-law and father-in-law mind you, who were both so happy that I relieved them of their son, that I sometimes felt that I could do no wrong. On our 10th wedding anniversary Roses with her very mischievous sense of humor, presented me with a medal, laughing her ‘ha ha’ laugh, twinkling her blue eyes.

She never interfered, well not that I noticed anyway. She was always ready with advice when asked, generous of her time and love, and knew exactly when to appear, like magic, to show her support in whatever way needed. My boys loved her. Alexander, my second in particular, as he was the one who spent a few years at home before moving on his own, loved to visit his grandmother. She made him feel at home. They shared their stories and more often than not a drink or two. He was always welcome.

Each of my boys felt special. As I am sure all of her grandchildren did.

I learnt how to be a good mother-in-law from Roses. Well, the truth is that I learnt what a good mother-in-law looks like anyway. She made it seem so easy but in essence it’s a hard act to follow.

At her last moments, I thanked her for putting up with me. For never making me feel inadequate. For always making me feel like family.

Here’s to you Roses. May you rest in eternal peace.

Returning to Greece

/ Denise / 1 Comment

The last time I visited Athens, I was in my late teens and I won’t even try to count how many years ago as I’ll get lost in the numbers. My memories have faded somewhat though. I do remember visiting the Acropolis. I remember pretending to be on stage in the ruins of an amphitheater, mike in hand, singing Lord alone knows what. And I remember the excitement of the Plaka with its array of restaurants and local food choices. What stays with me in vivid colour however is being lost in love with my now husband as we experienced Europe together, ‘training’ it from one city to the next, stopping at whim in small towns that caught our fancy.

Enjoying Athens, Greece

And it is clear to me now more than ever that your memories will always be just that – the feelings, the emotions evoked throughout your life. Visiting Athens now is a different experience. I am at a totally different stage of life and even though my focus may seem to be capturing the beauty of the city through my camera lens, I know that these special moments shared with family and friends will be what brings that sweet smile to my face when I look back on the adventures in my life.

Sharing good times with family and friends

Greece will always hold the mystery and allure of its ancient mythology. The Gods who ruled the skies and the earth. The Gods who ruled your heart and your destiny. I remember being captured by it as a teenager, dreaming, wishing that I had been part of this enigma years ago. And now as I re-visit and explore its islands, I am fascinated by its ancient history that is still so present and the masterful landscapes that have been created over time, by the hand of nature, or their Gods.

I have returned now for a ‘big fat Greek wedding’ on the island of Milos. With its 5000 welcoming inhabitants, its arid terrain, and island charm, it brings back flashes of our previous visit to Santorini and Mykonos when we were met by ladies dressed in black at the port offering rooms in their homes for rent (Airbnb entrepreneurs). Their hospitality second to none. Walking through the narrow streets hand in hand admiring the beauty of the monochromatic buildings in their blue and white. Seeking out the secluded beaches where we could spend precious time together. And of course experiencing the night life for which these islands were renowned.

Now as we explore Milos, the fun, adventure and charm of the islands continue to captivate. At first sight Milos seems very underwhelming. Its airport will either scare you or charm the pants off of you. But as you explore the island more closely it will amaze you. The Luna-like landscape which initially jarred because of its aridity becomes fascinating. The strip mining quarries expose the diverse colours of the earth in a majestic, almost painterly manner. The peaceful nature of the sandy/pebbly beaches beckon, the varying blues of the clear waters draw you in. The food which stays true to its Greek origins, excites your taste buds and once again the memories are created for a lifetime.

Milos in all its glory

Buds and Roses

/ Denise / 4 Comments

At the end of 2022, my family joined me in celebrating my birthday yet again. Over the past few years this has become a quiet family moment for me – one that I absolutely treasure.  It is never the same.  My nieces and nephews drop in and out, depending on their social itinerary.  My sons stay and go depending on their location – living abroad poses a bit of a problem.  And I can always count on my siblings.  The menu varies depending on our moods – but cake and ice cream are a must.  Thanks to my husband who always makes the effort to ensure that I am well pampered.

This year my sister-in-law introduced a simple but very thoughtful table heart-to-heart.  Sharing our Roses, Thorns and Buds for 2022 and the New Year.  Roses represent the good things in our life.  Thorns are those things that caused us pain.  And Buds are the things that we look forward to in the future.

So simple, yet so poignant.

We shared sincerely, with some jokes in between.  We were reflective and appreciative.  We supported each other through the process.  We learned a bit more about each other’s trials and tribulations.  And ended on a happy note that we were so willing and able to continue to open ourselves up in a loved and protected space.

I learned a few things:

  • We are a family that loves being a family.
  • We truly care for each other and are happy for each other
  • Our sense of humour which may seem warped to others, helps us through our trials and tribulations.
  • Retirement is a stage of life that brings reason, simplicity and gratitude for our blessings.

May your months ahead be filled with Buds and Roses, and may the thorns dissipate with the love of your family and friends who support and protect you.

There is never enough time …

/ Denise / 5 Comments

Six weeks gone in a flash, leaving very many precious moments etched into my heart.  Many times I felt as if I could not hold them long enough, just one more minute please.  Not enough books to read.  Not enough time at the beach.  Not enough walks to the park.  Just not enough time.  That sweet smile, that warm hug, that soft small hand in mine.  That wicked giggle.  That morning snuggle.  It is never enough.

My blessings are many and I am truly grateful.

Just a short eight months ago I left Julius at 4 months old.  He turned one a few days ago.  And he is the same sweet angel with the biggest smile and warmest cuddle.  He knows what he wants and how to get it pointing excitedly, squealing ‘da da da’.  His wide-mouthed smile of pride when he stands on his own melts your heart.  His eyes alit, his arms outstretched for balance as he looks around for the clapping sounds of praise, quickly dropping to the floor and zipping across on all fours to his next antic.

Wyatt, now two, has started to replace his incoherent sounds with words you can actually understand.  He is non-stop action.  Walking is never an option.  He is either running or riding or running – whichever way gets him from one spot to the next in the shortest space of time.  Talking constantly with an array of facial expressions and complementary sounds that complete his stories that we still can’t easily decipher.  His love of music, the water and food is undeniable and he is up for playtime always.  He is confident, has no fear, is sometimes defiant, as a two-year old is expected to be, but always ready for a hug.

Solomon is quite the chatter box himself.  He has grown up in many ways and having turned three, has adjusted nicely to his big brother role.  He loves his Baby Ju Ju – and more and more his heavy loving is being replaced with gentle caresses and less tight hugs, always ready to comfort him.  His wicked streak however, still lurking in the background.  He always has a ‘flan’ (plan), and quite an intricately interesting plan as well.  His collection of seeds and small insects, dead or alive, is testament to his love of nature and his empathy which sees him trying to save even the smallest creature.  He loves a good adventure whether it be going to the beach or exploring the nearby creeks and waterfalls.  Eating may not be his favourite pastime, but his insatiable love of berries, preferably blue, is unparalleled.

They have all captured a special place in my heart which is full to overflowing.  Full of gratitude.  Full of memories to last a lifetime.  Overflowing with love.

30 – then and now…

/ Denise / Leave a comment

When I turned thirty, some thirty-something years ago, it was a turning point for me.  I truly felt that I had finally grown up.  I was a big woman.  Married with two kids, just purchased my second home, a working career with a great future, and I was secretly thinking of adding one more kid to my small family.  Secretly because my husband didn’t know about this plan just yet, and quite frankly he never really knew.  It just happened – that’s my story and I am sticking to it.

It was a time full of excitement, lots to look forward to with a growing family.  Lots of places to go, people to meet.  I held a party at my home to mark the momentous occasion.  Friends, family, food, drink, music and dancing of course.  As you can imagine, there are a few stories that we reflect on from time to time with our close friends, in awe of what could only be termed as reckless behaviour in this day and age.

There was a certain excitement in my life with what I could only dream were many years of fun and adventure in my future. I was ready to take it all on.

My youngest son turns 30 today.  He has just recently landed a job ticking all his boxes.  He is single, not that this is a plug but I could take applications – LOL just kidding.  He’s just spent the past two days celebrating with friends – fete after fete after fete, as they say.  I tried to curtail his enthusiasm with sage advice.  It didn’t work.  He was determined to put his mark on this milestone.

He organised a party at our home.  Friends, family, food, drink, music and some dancing.  My husband and I retreated early to our ‘not so quiet’ space as we were no longer ‘needed’.  There was certainly a lot of noise, laughter, singing and from the Instagram pics, there was dancing as well.  Thank God he warned the neighbours.

The morning-after clues revealed in no uncertain terms that a fun time was had by all and that my thirty-year old was responsible.  The house was cleaned, leftovers put away or given away, and the bar empty or tidy – depends on the perspective.  But he was missing in action.  My husband insisted on calling him, but I knew in my heart that he was just stretching his celebration to the limit.  And he was. Going to be beach was next on his list of adventures. I was hoping that this was this last hurrah of the celebrations. A quick pit stop to stock the cooler, and he was off.

Turning thirty has not changed.  It is still a force to be reckoned with – no matter the era. It’s a turning point as you head towards the more responsible time of your life.  It is to a large extent leaving a bit of your youth behind.  A youth you’ve lived to the fullest, taking with you your memories, your joie-de-vivre and your optimism for the best future ahead.

Until we meet again…

/ Denise / 7 Comments

What a fabulous introduction to our grandchildren. 

Julius – 4 months at the end of our holiday – captured our heart – always ready to smile, never fussing (unless hungry of course), always happy for a hug and kiss and a morning walk, listening to the birds singing and his Grandma’s lullaby ‘Little boy’.  What an absolute pleasure. Spitting image of his mother, with his grandmother’s complexion – perfect.  He’s won the ‘Angel of the Year’ award.

Wyatt, a 15-month-old with music in his soul and love in his heart – does not stop moving or ‘talking’.  Always strumming a ‘guitar’, with an intimate relationship with ‘Exa’ (Alexa) who seems to respond appropriately to his random requests to play ‘Too’ (Bob Marley) – dances to all music and always has a story to tell.  The way to his heart is definitely through his stomach – a pleasure to feed – who shows his appreciation for everything with the random kiss.  No fear of water and keeps you on your toes at the beach.  A character you can only love to the moon and back.

Solomon, our eldest – adores his brother, Baby Ju-Ju, smothering him constantly with ‘gentle’ hugs and sloppy kisses, loves his cousin Wyatt with a wicked streak that overrides this love at times.  After six weeks, we still need a translator for his Aussie accent, but we managed.  You’re drawn in from the get-go, as he slips his little hand in yours and beckons you to ‘come Grandma’.  Loves an adventure and is extremely aware of his surroundings.  Gives great morning hugs and is enraptured by ‘Moana’.

He is sensitive and caring.  When his cousin left us for the last time, he noticed tears in my eyes and asked why I was sad.  ‘I miss Wyatt’ I said.  ‘Me too Grandma’ and he continued to keep me distracted by catching fish with our pretend rods and telling me stories of whatever came to his mind.  As I watched him play minutes before my final departure, he again noticed tears in my eyes and asked, ‘Why you sad Grandma’.  ‘I am going to miss you’ I said.  ‘I love you so much’.  ‘I love you too’, he whispered.

The tears have not stopped flowing.  Until we meet again my boys.

Time is drawing near…

/ Denise / 4 Comments

It’s 4 in the afternoon.  Still a few hours until nightfall.  The birds are singing, chirping, squawking, such a variety nesting in the area.  The rest of the world is quiet in the small town of Tyalgum, Australia.  The gentle breeze is soothing and relaxing and my cup of tea makes it all a very serene moment, giving me time to reflect.

My two eldest sons have now been living in Australia for the better part of the past 16 years – my eldest moved here as a teenager to further his university studies and decided to make this country his home.  My second son moved here with his wife (then girlfriend) about 6 years ago.  Both now have 3 sons between them, and I am a very proud grandmother.

My husband and I have been here now for just about 4 weeks, and the time is flying by ever so quickly.  Using our time and talents to help our sons with their growing families.  Enjoying the precious time spent with our grandchildren – meeting them practically for the first time, after leaving our eldest two years ago at the tender age of 3 months.  We were greeted by two little confident, loving, funny, chatty, determined toddlers and one sweet 3 month-old angel – our hearts melted instantly and we immediately felt the dread of leaving them in the short six weeks ahead.

How does that work.  How is it that you can fall so deeply in love with little humans with just a smile, a snuggle, a giggle.  I will never understand.

We’ve been busy travelling back and forth between their homes – an hour’s drive each way – and have come to love this part of the country.  Tyalgum boasts of just over 500 residents and is nestled in the foothills of Mount Warning, the world’s largest extinct shield volcano, surrounded by farmlands, mountains, creeks and rivers which make this area such a joy to explore.  The centre of the town itself can be leisurely visited in just a short 10 minutes and has all the necessities including a cricket oval, a playground for kids, ice cream parlour, general store and of course, a bottle shop. Sunday afternoon is their busy day when the neighbours gather at the local pub for a quick meal and a beer or two, while being entertained by a live band made up of members of the community.  Charming indeed.

Mullumbimby, Australia’s biggest little town, is a bit larger with just over 3,000 residents and seems like a metropolis in comparison.  When you first arrive, it feels like a one-horse-town with not much action but that is part of the charm of Mullumbimby. It is known for its cafes serving world class coffee, quite often locally grown, and its choice of restaurants, local bakery and butcher, all your needs being met within a stone’s throw away.  The weekly Saturday market offers an opportunity for the neighbours to meet each other, share a meal, and of course be serenaded by the local artists.  A simple life, no fuss, no bother.  Locally the town is known as Mullum. Back in the day, this town grew weed so potent it was known as Mullum Madness – go figure. Fashion is alternative and shoes are always optional.

Both towns exude a simplicity of life and ease of living.  A haven for young children where the outdoors beckon, the rivers pique your curiosity for exploring, the trails easy to venture.

We’ve been joyfully busy.  Grateful for every moment shared. But the reality is that we will leave in a short two weeks, having put our life on pause for our grandchildren.  Creating memories that we hope will build a base for many more to come.

Grandparenthood

/ Denise / 2 Comments

My father had an insane love for his grandchildren.  They were all perfect, and in his opinion they all looked just like him.  A joke the grandchildren would share to this day.  They were all his favourite, and he told each one just that.  His patience, his gentleness, his special love was felt by each one of them.  And sometimes I wondered just who this man was. As a young child, I knew him as a disciplinarian.  You knew you were the apple of his eye, but yet still you never took the chance to be on his wrong side, and you did all you could to make sure you always did what he wanted you to do.  As an adult, you realised that everything he did was for your benefit.

So, when grandchildren came into the picture, and this guy’s face softened visibly at each birth, visit, hug, you knew that this thing called grandparenthood could change your life forever.  And it certainly has.

Living away from your children is one thing.  Living away from your grandchildren is a totally different ball game. Facetiming as often as you could, smiling from ear to ear with each babble.  And when you finally meet, losing yourself with the slip of a small hand in yours, your heart melting at the sound of your name coming from their lips, you know your life has changed forever.  It feels as if your heart will burst with love, but it only grows and expands to adapt to all the indescribable emotions that come with being a grandparent.

No one can prepare you for this.  And jokingly, I tease my children that I love my grandchildren more than I do my very own.  But it is different.  You’re at a stage of your life when you can easily shake off your adulting duties and once again experience the wonder of the world through their eyes.  Their innocence and awe of life softens you.  And you now begin to truly enjoy the simple things in life.  The beauty of a ‘baby flower’ at the side of the road.  The awesomeness of a tractor cutting grass.  The imagination of fishing with a stick and catching leaves.  The excitement of skating down the driveway laughing a belly-laugh like it’s the best thing in the world.  The deep chuckle at the sound of a stone ‘kplunking’ into the water.  The colours of a rainbow.

It’s a joy bestowed upon many.  And I’m ever so blessed to be one of them.