May | 2024 | Explore with me

I must have been 8 or 9 years old when I discovered that my mother had just turned 40. I stared at her cutting her birthday cake with my father and I wanted to burst into tears. She was smiling and happy. We were all happy. But to me 40 was such a big number. A number that felt ions away and in my childlike mind, my mother didn’t have much longer to live. And so, 40 became for me the big bad age.

When I turned 40, in the peak of health, with a young family like my mother had been some years prior, I felt dread. For no other reason than what my mind had recorded so long ago. I didn’t want to receive any birthday greetings so I escaped with my small family where no-one could reach me, just for the day. Since then, though, I’ve realised that age is just a number. Your health, your happiness, your family are a few of the most important things in life. And now that I am in my sixties and the real big numbers are staring me in the face, I dig deep into my memories for what those ages could possibly mean.

My mother breathed her last breath just a few months past the age of 70. She had been ailing since her early sixties. My father heroically took on the role of caregiver like no other. And even with her family rallying around her, her quality of life began to fade towards her late sixties. She had lost her speech. I can only imagine that she felt trapped no longer being able to communicate as she had wished. And yet, even with this memory, the dread that I felt at 40 no longer haunts me. It has now been replaced with a sense of newness of life. For in my own experience, there’s still time for adventure. There’s still time to learn new things. There’s still time to love – your family, your friends, yourself.

A few weeks ago, my sister turned 70. We had been joking about it for some time, reminiscing on our experiences and wondering what this new stage would bring for her. The day after we celebrated her, she messaged me – it’s not so bad after all – she said. I smiled a big smile. For my sister has now become my new beacon of what 70 looks like.

And what does 70 look like? It is at peace with oneself. It is accepting of what life has to offer. It is grateful for every moment, every day. It is quirky and has a sense of humour. Ready to go new places and experience new things. Its arms are wide open welcoming love and adventure. It is wise. It is kind. It is generous of heart and spirit.

Thanks to my sister, I look forward to 70, hoping that I too will find that it’s not so bad after all.

I started sewing at my mother’s side probably around 6 or 7 years old. The interest was primarily making something out of seemingly nothing (I am learning something new). Fabric that was flat and pretty could turn into stuffed animals, playtime balls for kids. It was truly amazing.

And then later on fabric could turn into clothing. The best of all. I wanted party clothes. So I sewed different items of clothing to sell so I could buy to buy more fabric to make my own clothes. My sister got into the act as well and inveigled me to sew clothes for her. No biggie. Practice makes perfect. And it gave me a great sense of pride to see her strut out of the house in something I had made or helped make for her.

Many sewings later, I was making clothes for my then boyfriend and now husband. Soft furnishings for my home, clothes for the kids including their play clothes, pyjamas, bathing suits. It never stopped. Until one day my job, taking care of the kids, managing the household, and sometimes looking after myself all got in the way of my passion for sewing.

Fast forward to retirement. And I am back in front of my sewing machine, but this time sewing quilts. Oh my word!. The joy of creating something out of seemingly nothing has returned. At a level that I never imagined.

But the best part is that after 3 years of YouTubing, I was lucky enough to attend a quilt retreat in Missouri. And that’s probably the only reason to go to Missouri. To quilt with others who love the art form as much as you do.

My primary intention was to better my machine quilting technique. So I signed up with a retreat from the renowned Angela Walters. But if I may, let’s just take one tiny step back to acknowledge the wonderful world of YouTube. Oh my word. I started following the greats in the world of quilting – Jenny Doan from Missouri Star Quilt Company (#missouristartquiltco) for her easy-to-follow quilt pattern tutorials and Angela herself (#quiltingismytherapy) who made machine quilting look so easy and gave me the confidence to try my hand at it. Making the quilt an actually quilting it.

Not having the support locally in a tropical country where quilts are seen primarily as cheaply made bedspreads from Walmart, I felt and still feel alone in the industry. But I am slowly but surely making my way.

So now let’s get back to the retreat. A very kind and much wanted birthday gift from my husband, I headed to Missouri for my first ever quilt retreat. Missouri. Not your everyday destination, known if at all, primarily for cattle farming and quilting. Pretty small town country living as I know it anyway. And as I was to learn very quickly, filled with kind, generous, easy going people.

I was made to feel at home from the time I jumped into the Uber at the airport to the time I left. Easy to talk to. Willing to please. Making everyone feel at home. Hospitality at its best.

Angela, realising that I had come totally un-prepared for the retreat experience, shifted gears immediately and opened her personal sewing machine and quilting space for me to do what I had come there to do. I had come to learn the techniques of machine quilting. Unbeknownst to me the retreat was primarily about getting together and piecing a project with like-minded quilters. Chit chatting, learning from each other, spending time in your own space. Angela willingly offered me her time and experience helping me to quilt the project I had come prepared to quilt, including others in the retreat who wanted to learn a thing or two. She did not bat an eyelid. And the hospitality was laid on thick, without hesitation. Down to the last moment when we discussed together how to finish the quilt.

I’m not sure I am making myself clear on this special attention I received from one of my gurus. But I was on top of the world.

This was a 3 day trip. Close enough to my other quilting guru, but without transportation, almost impossible to make a visit to Hamilton a reality. I had resigned myself that it would not happen and was content with my decision. Until on the first day, at dinner, while buddying up to some of the fellow quilters….

“Absolutely not. There’s no way you can come all the way here, travel so far, and not at least visit the Missouri Star Quilt Company.” I was being kindly admonished by a fellow quilter. I shrugged my shoulders. But I had no choice, or so I thought. “We are going there tomorrow.” And I jumped at the opportunity. Generosity of time, unequalled. Little did I know however that this Good Samaritan would arrange for me to me meet none other than Jenny Doan herself and her daughter-in-law, both of whom I follow avidly. I was in seventh heaven.

There was an interest, a certain type of generosity of time and spirit, and kindness that pervaded those three special days that have stayed with me in my heart and soul. That have motivated me to become the best quilter that I can possibly be in honour of those I met and spent time with.

Most of all however, it was a time spent learning a skill just for myself. It was all my time. And I sincerely cannot remember the last time I did anything that was all for me.

I will continue to quilt for as long as I can, and I hope to master the skill to the best of my ability. But I will forever take with me the memory of the kindness that was bestowed upon me.